Grumpy, Sleepy, Happy and Crabass?

Once again, names have been changed.. although the dwarf nicknames were used in real life.

The UK seven dwarfs

It was a usual night in Yuma and Veronica, Lily and I went to our favorite bar Mine Shaft. We took our usual spot outside, right in front of the giant fire pit and didn't hesitate to order our first drink and shots of course. I being the single girl was on the prowl and I thought living in a marine town would help my situation but apparently the shortest marines are sent to Yuma. I kid you not, almost every marine was shorter than me and I'd literally be shocked to see a guy that was 3-4 inches taller than me when I went out to the bar. I later found out there was a reason for this. The base in Yuma is a flying base and they fly C-130's which apparently have a height restriction. The non-marines are short because they are hispanic. It worked for me professionally because I was taller than 90% of my patients.

Anyway, this girl on the prowl proceeded to do a lap around the bar scoping out my options. Again, all the prospects were short, unattractive or young. I solemnly returned to my seat with my girlfriends. After 10 minutes we sent Veronica out looking and gave her the simple instructions of “find someone that you think I'll like.” Veronica wondered off and we saw her talking to a few guys at the bar. After 5 minutes she was heading back to the table with harem of guys as they approached the table we noticed various british accents. Apparently, Veronica found British Air Force and British Army guys that were in Yuma for training. They were all pretty cool guys.

As the night progressed, nicknames were given. Dan, whom liked to argue with Veronica was nicknamed “Grumpy.” Tim, the young, happy fellow was nicknamed “happy.” Don was yawning and quiet throughout the first evening that we nicknamed him “sleepy.” The other Don was a snarky cocky little shit so I started calling him “Crab Ass.” None of the British boys knew what crab ass meant so I explained and Crab Ass called me a “Blue Waffle.” I googled this term and was appalled (trust me do not google image search this...SAVE YOURSELF the horror). I in turn called him a “Blumpkin Pie.” Eventually, someone changed subject to prevent the one upping from continuing. We also met a older, married British solider that hit on any women within sight which we immediately nicknamed “Old Dirty Bastard.” The rest of the group consisted of “Benjamin Franklin”, Matt and one other guy (whom returned to the UK after a femur fracture following a car accident the night we met him).

One of the British Army guys turned out to be a Prince of Fiji (although they don't have princes..it was explained that he was similar in terms of fame). Coincidentally, Lily and I were just discussing my desire for a bungalow in Fiji a few nights prior. My interest was of course to work on getting my own bungalow in Fiji and I wasn't subtle about my hopes and desires. As we hung out more, I think I can safely say I'm closer to my bungalow but not close enough. Fiji found me entertaining because I basically talk a lot of shit and picked on him frequently. Fiji had the funniest devilish grin that he would display on occasion. At a later time, I found out that Fiji's job in the British Army was to interrogate the enemy. He said he was able to read me and I asked him what he thought:

Fiji: “you like to tease guys.”

Me: “well, clearly that's true.”

Fiji: “you are very competitive with boys.”

Me: “Hey, why does everything revolve around guys? I'm competitive with all people.”

Fiji: “Guys find you very attractive.”

Me: “Huh... do they?”

Later in the evening we were making fun of Crab Ass because he missed the bar night to spend time with his American sweetheart of 6 weeks (coincidently she is the front desk girl of the hotel they are staying at). He also spent over $200 for flowers for his american sweetheart and her mother on Thanksgiving, which I thought was a total waste of money. I mean, who really likes flowers? Chocolate...chocolate is the key to a girl's heart. After this conversation Fiji told me that I didn't know romance and was dating the wrong guys. He offered to build me a flowerbed. I told him that wasn't practical given the amount of time I spend in one place. His response was to hook up a internet camera. Hopefully, this said flowerbed is outside my bungalow in Fiji.

This first night was legendary for another reason. This is also the first night I've seen anyone go into the heated pool at Mine Shaft. Benjamin Franklin and “the other guy” were the two legendary men to strip down to their tighty whities (or pinkies and stripies, in this case) and jump in the pool. It was pretty awesome and highly entertaining (plus their bodies weren't too shabby). As the evening progressed, we noticed several girls slowly surrounding our group of UK boys. Although the boys were oblivious or just didn't care. As the girls inched closer and closer only to be ignored, they soon grew bored and dissipated.

On another occasion, the girls and I went out to coin night (think one coin gets you a drink for 1.5 hours) which is basically the coolest night out drinking in Yuma, or possibly anywhere. Grumpy had been texted me and I encouraged him to come out with us. Grumpy and Sleepy eventually came out to Club Platinum just after coin night ended and I had gotten to the shit faced stage. As soon as Grumpy and Sleepy got there, I immediately hugged Grumpy and jumped on Sleepy's lap. I took up residence there for about 30 minutes. I don't really remember the exact conversation we had but I do remember Kat getting sick. Veronica was offering up her fingers to stick down Kat's throat and once the dry heaves set in, Veronica came in to tell me that they were leaving. I said good-bye to the boys and Grumpy went in to kiss me. Awkward. I pulled back and went outside. However, Kat's truck only sits three people and considering Veronica wasn't completely sober, I decided to stay and call a cab. Meanwhile, Grumpy texted apologizing about the kiss attempt. I sat between Grumpy and Sleepy when I went back inside and Grumpy kept rubbing my leg. When it was Grumpy's turn to buy beers, I turned to Sleepy and told him what was going on. Sleepy's response was “yeah, he likes you.”

Me: “no, he likes Veronica.”

Sleepy: Well, he likes you now.”

Me: “no, no, no. He likes Veronica, not me.”....Keep in mind a.) I'm drunk and b.) oblivious to guys hitting on me and c.) I liked Sleepy.

At this point Grumpy walks back up to the table and tries to touch me again and I call him out.

Me: “ what are you doing? I thought you liked Veronica?”

Grumpy: “No, she turned out to be bossy and bitchy.”

Me: “Well, I don't do sloppy seconds. I like guys that like me first, not my friends.”

That seemed to do the trick. Grumpy would still text me while he was in town but didn't hit on me.

The next and last time we met up with the UK boys was the day before their scheduled departure. Lily and I were the only girls in town and Grumpy, Sleepy and Fiji came out to meet us. We basically were shooting the shit when I mentioned something about driving. Sleepy asked “In that big truck of yours?” I was a bit surprised and asked him how he knew what I drove. He told me at Club Platinum I showed him pictures... Oh yes, it came back. While I sat on his lap, I became that girl showing him my pictures on my phone of my truck, horses, friends... Oh boy... That's humiliating...At least he didn't judge. In hindsight their nicknames didn't hold true but they embraced them and I will miss these guys. They were true gentlemen, which I never knew existed.

The day they left I received a text from an unknown number while I was driving to Vegas:

Text: “Thanx girl for bein a gud friend. Hope to see in again in March. Shalom. Fiji.

Me: “Awwww Fiji, you rock. I'm going to miss you guys! Keep that devilish grin!!!”

Fiji: “We will miss u girls too. Take care of urselves. I will certainly miss u girl!”

Me: “Have a safe flight mister!”

A few days later, I received this message from Sleepy on Facebook:

“ah MORE BLING, who's gonna look after us when we go out now?! We will have to reciprocate if u make it across to England! Thanks for making our nights fun and entertaining...especially Platinums! Wicked place! Shame we had to leave u! Be good. Hope Vegas was awesome. Say hi to everyone.

Love Sleepy...aka Don! X

P.S. Steelers rule! Lol”  (I HATE THE STEELERS...so he's an asshole for this)

I miss my UK boys... oh so very much. They were such a bright spot in my world and really genuine people! Much love UK.